PAPARAZZI

I wish I could escape the paparazzi!

They pop up everywhere I want to go --

I cannot shop, I cannot sunbathe topless,

I fly to Greece, I'm spied at the Acropolis.

How did anyone know?

I wish I could escape the paparazzi!

They leap from limos like it's some big game --

At home they crouch for hours in my bushes,

I watch them lie in wait on their big tushes.

Don't they have any shame?

I won a Golden Globe (okay, a nomination) --

But they were asking, was my stomach flat?

Did I look pregnant? Who might be the father?

Is he a rock star -- if not, why bother?

How shallow, to care about that!

I'm really shy, I am a private person.

Nobody knows how deep I am inside!

Yes, I love Gaultier, I'm wearing Prada,

But I'm happy in jeans, or nada.

Where can a simple girl hide?

I wish I could escape the paparazzi!

If I could wave a magic wand today,

I would get rid of them in such a hurry!

I ought to sue them -- then again I worry...

What if they went away...?